Saturday, 20 September 2008

I can't believe

That its been two weeks today already that Netty had passed! Gosh time flies so bloody fast. It still feels like yesterday!

To be honest right now I am feeling quite fragile, very tired and very flat! Trying to comes to terms with my grief for Jeanette, trying to help Grant through it, trying to keep truck drivers happy at dads work (believe me - this is a hard one), mum has been going through a rough patch with major anxiety attacks for nearly three weeks now. I am worried about my mum! My dad has just left for America for two weeks and she is home alone. She won't stay with me, and it worries me, I call her during the day to make sure she is all right, I call in during the day, but she just worries me! I put her on a train today so she can go and stay with her sister in Wollongong. And then I am packing them up to go to Port Macquarie for a week, the break will do her good, but her state of mind with these anxiety attacks are quite frightening. So yes Worried I am! Frightened too! Feeling helpless cause I can't make her feel better! She tried to help me out the best she could during the days up to and after Jeanettes' passing, but I really could of used more help at the time, but knowing I couldn't ask just added to my stress levels. I feel like I am trying to keep everyone happy, making sure everyone is OK, going to work, trying to keep things in order at home, juggling the kids, that today it was just all too much and saw me just break down. I wish I could explain exactly how I feel, but I can't even explain it! It all just feels all too hard.

I try my hardest to be caring, sensitive and to keep things into order, but today I just feel like "Who is going to hold me up"? I just can't do everything! So a little bit of a sob story from me, just feeling the strains of everything of late and finding things are just that little bit difficult.



sandra said...

Condolences to you and your family.
So sorry you are going through such a hard time...this is the time when you lean on your friends.. they'll hold you up.
All will be well soon... stay strong.

Sandy said...

oh Lis, you know I am only a phone call away....*hugs*

Al said...

Lisa and Grant,
It truly is a really hard time you are going through, and you know that heartfelt thoughts are coming from us for you.
Thinking of you often ... Al x

Jane Ettia Jones said...

I don't know what to say, I have read your blog at least 4 times now and i still don't know what to say.

All I can think of is to say I am thinking of you all and sending my love and prayers and if there is anything in this world (anything at all) that i can do you know I am right here my sweet friend.

hugs love ya

Kerry said...

Lis, I'm sorry that you are going through this rough patch - I hope things are getting better for you. Hugs to you my friend, I'm not that far away if you ever feel like a weekend away ;) xx

Melissa Kennedy said...

I know this is probably a bit late but I hope thing are a little better now than they were a couple of weeks ago.
Thinking of you